How To Turnaround A Difficult Relationship

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You don’t care for me! You can’t be like this! You are being too demanding. You let me down……the list is endless. These words today are commonly heard between people in relationships.

Relationship problems are turning into conflicts, with an increasingly big number of people struggling with it today. A rough patch in relationship means a source of constant stress.

Before trying to figure out what’s ailing relationships, let us understand what makes a relationship work?

 LOVE, AFFECTION and TRUST. These are the three pillars when coated with sensitivity and respect, build a long-lasting relationship.

Root Cause Behind Relationship Issues

Do you know what is the root cause of friction in most relationships today?  The denial mode.

Being in the denial mode means denying the personal beliefs, arguments, thoughts, ideas and way of life of the other person, often leading to heartburn and painful moments in relationships

One can say relationship means giving and expecting ! But how much to expect in a relationship and when do we decide that we are crossing the line? It means acknowledging personal choices that define individual freedom for every person.

When personal space is repeatedly violated, people get irritated, lose their temper and exert their ego. It wipes out the element of love which is the bedrock of any close relationship. It also festers into an emotional wound over a period of time.

How To Resolve Differences In Relationships?

One word can smoothen every crease in your relationships. ACCEPTANCE.

The other person CAN NOT be your carbon copy. The way you think, believe and act has to be different from how the other person is. It is his/her individuality. It is not your fundamental right to ask the other person to change as per your choices all the time. Some choices could be non-negotiable but to expect one person to toe your line always is stretching the thread of relationship too far.

Every person is unique. Every person has a unique set of skills, competence and speed. Resenting it in a person means disrespecting his uniqueness, what sets him/her apart. There is always a different way of doing things which may or may not be to your liking.

Resist from being too demanding. It will rub the other person the wrong way.  People on a whole resist change. We change only under pressure from own or others’ expectations. People agree with each other out of love, respect, fear, affection or bonding, which gets diluted with continuous and overpowering demands.

Earn and not command respect in a relationship. You earn respect by how you treat people. You command respect, through domination, influence and authority in a relationship while you earn respect by treating the other person fairly. Dominating someone all the time who does not have any choice will result in resentment over a period of time.

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Give space for relationships to bloom into their full beauty. It happens when we allow the other person the space to be his/her own self. Acceptance is all about ceding space for the other person to carry on with his way of life.

Don’t be a driver, be a co-traveller. When one person seeks to drive the relationship, by will, domination, authority or by default then the other person is either left with no choice or is not willing to make an effort for a choice. Its like making people dependent on you. But can you be there for that person forever?

Learn to digest NO. It takes guts to say this two-letter word. Saying yes is easy and pleases all but standing up for oneself elicits a ‘No’. Appreciate the personal integrity of the person, if he is not ready to commit to something you desire.

Strength means letting go. Anything that’s draining your energy, feels a burden and is raising your stress is not worth it. Your feelings determine your results. If you are feeling resentful about someone, it will only produce more agony and stress if it continues to simmer. Either let go off the ill-feeling or if that is not possible, talk it out with the person concerned. It doesn’t serve anyone to be in a toxic relationship.

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Feeling grateful for each other is a great way of adding warmth and affection in a relationship. We realise people’s importance only after we lose our loved ones due to some reason. It is often too late.

Acceptance is an ingredient that promotes peace in a relationship. It is like that magic sauce that can add the right flavour, consistency and colour to one’s relationships.

Relationship With Yourself

How about accepting yourself the way you are?

Being perennially dissatisfied with yourself, hating or cursing yourself is another way of unacceptance. It leads to the constant mental chatter within, that dogs you through the day. There is no harm in aspiring and doing better than your current status as growth is a constant motivator. But doing it with a sense of self-love and not self-critique is what makes a difference.

So, make a difference with your relationship with yourself first, as it is the foundation that builds strong and worthy relationships with others. It is often observed that when we are too critical or unhappy with ourselves, we vent it out on others and people in our relationships often bear the brunt.

Relationships are like tender roses, which need love, care, affection, respect and due space for each person’s choices for it to grow and bloom. You mishandle relationships and are left with wilted petals and thorns that often pinch for a lifetime.