It is THE most common thing that happens to almost every one of you.
It is so easy to raise a finger towards people around you, when in trouble, being irritated, losing something or feeling out of control.
We do it day in and day out but little do we realise that blaming is one of the root causes of a lot of suffering that we experience in our lives.
This may raise many an eyebrow I know!
What could an innocuous act of blaming do?
Blaming Is Victim Mentality
Blaming takes your power away. It means you are ready to be influenced and affected by just anyone. It also means that you are surrendering your power to the person being blamed. It means playing the victim card.
A lot of people have this misconception that putting the blame on someone else’s shoulders will make them exert their authority. It is totally unfounded. You may scream, argue or outshout someone in a game of words because you are at some rank, position or at a certain age but no one wins at the end.
Blaming others is actually weakness exhibited as we are not taking the responsibility of what is happening. This does not mean the other person would not have done something wrong to deserve your anger or irritation.
Difference In Perception
What is important is that everyone, every time is doing the best, he/she is expected to do according to their conditioning, mindset and skills. This may not be enough for you depending on your mindset, expectations and skills.
It is a difference of perception. You may not always be knowing the real story and jumping the gun to fire a blaming bullet on the other person but only that person knows the real story.
I have experienced that letting go off the blame is hugely liberating. I had working parents who are now retired. Growing up in a nuclear family, where both parents were juggling many tasks, I often felt the need for more time from my parents. I had to become independent in many ways in my teens. When I saw other teens of my age being accompanied by their parents, I was uncomfortable doing things on my own. Not outrightly but in some way subtly I was bothered for not getting enough time in my growing up years.
This state of mind changed after I stepped into my late 20’s. I understood they were being busy for getting me and my sibling everything that we had. We never had to demand anything even on birthdays as my mother would always make us have it beforehand. Now, I fully understand my sense of blame was undesirable as my parents were doing enough that they could then. I was just being naïve at that time.
Blaming Harms You
Blaming is like hitting yourself in the foot.
Everything you say works for you whether it is positive or negative. That is your reality whether you say it consciously or unconsciously. It works on the principle of the power of words. Whatever you say magnifies, whether you know/ believe in it or not. This is true.
When we say something negative while blaming others, the grudge multiplies as we give power to our words. We may not always mean what we are saying but it works subtly on the psyche. You cannot remain positive while being negative in blaming mode.
Blaming Spurs Negativity
Blaming is like throwing yourself in the pool of negativity. Someone has said “anger is punishing yourself for someone else’s deed”.
Blaming is one reaction that does no good to either the person pointing the finger or the person being blamed.
A sense of hurt gets etched in the person being blamed, sometimes for a lifetime, causing bitterness. It is not easy to get over this hurt easily.
Psychiatrists call blaming an automatic negative thought (ANT). “It infests your mind and ruins your day to day life. Of all the self-defeating thoughts, Blaming ANT’s are the most toxic says, Dr Daniel Amen,Psychiatric who owns the chain of Amen Clinics in the US.
Blaming Takes Away Your Peace
Blame and peace seldom reside in the same heart. Being in the blaming mode, produces the vibration of dissatisfaction. It signals you are not fine or you are not at peace with what’s on in life. The more you are dissatisfied, the more it multiplies in your life. Whatever you put your attention on increases.
Life is not what happens to you but life is how you react to what happens to you.
This means one’s reaction decides the course of one’s life.
I believe the least we can do for others is respect their sense of peace. We can not make everyone happy but snatching their happiness through the act of blaming is actually a disservice not to only to other person but also to oneself as you are also diluting your peace of mind by indulging in the blame game.
Replace Blame With Forgiveness
Nothing in this world operates singularly. We all are interdependent in this world. Our acts are determined by our understanding, skills, knowledge and values. Why not acknowledge that everyone will not be on the same page?
We are exercised by our egos which seek to control others. When someone goes off your radar of expectation, the blame game rears its head. Some people even take sadistic pleasure in raising the blaming finger, which is one of the worst kinds of self-harm.
Letting Go is Important For You
The more one lets go off the blame, the happier the life gets.
For a moment, replace blame with letting it go, it will feel much lighter deep inside. It does not mean that you are not hurt but letting go of the ill- feeling because your peace of mind is more important than the act of wrong doing done to you.
It means showing a larger heart to acknowledge that the person is doing best she or he can, at that time. They can have a story you may not know.
It heals to be understanding, not only for the sake of the other person but also for yourself as it is easy to get swayed in the stream of anger but difficult to hold on to your ground and let it pass.
Do give your feedback on this blog. I would love to hear what you feel. Has it inspired you to a different perspective or broadened your outlook? I am keen to hear. Keep reading Letsfigureoutlife.com for enriching content.